Everyone's gone stupid.
The Penguins just signed Marc-André Fleury, Ruslan Fedetenko and Miroslav Satan. Here's my take on it, from an email to Journal compadre Mike Woods.
"The Pens are clearly in trouble, these are desperation pickups
Here's my guess though:
Fleury played extremely well last year, took them to the Cup final, they lost Ty, so they splashed excessively. Can anyone say "Ray"?
They lost experience in Roberts so they brought.... Miro Satan. Who shares his name with the Devil. Who hasn't done anything since terrorizing us in 1999 (I think it was '99).
They lost grit in Malone, so they brought in..... Ruslan Fedetenko?"
Really, really dumb moves from the Pens.
Ottawa signed Jarrko Ruutu. I would go on an expletive-filled rant about it, but Mike decided to be civil about it, so you can just read his take, which I agree with wholeheartedly.
Who else got signed for stupid numbers?
Orpik. Hah the Pens. Oh my. Orpik played well last season, sure. But for close to $4M/season? Give me a break!
Dallas signed Sean Avery to 4 year $15.5M. He's not that good. He's offensively gifted, but he's not that good!!
Hagman, CuJo and Finger go to the Leafs. I like Hagman, I really wanted to see him in red and black next season, he's not going to be, which is fine, but this is the worst possible outcome. Other than that, Finger and CuJo? Leafs Nation must be wondering when the retarded signings are going to end. Here's the answer: never, because you're cursed. Hockey Gods hate the Leafs.
Refer, again, to Mike's post about other retardation in the world of free agent signing.
As for Jagr and Sundin, they must be having a grand ol' time jerking around every GM in the NHL with money to spend and a team to improve. If they pull the Neidermeyer & Selanne stunt from last year I'll barf in someone's shoes. I swear. That was so ridiculous. At least they both (mostly) committed to moving on to other teams, so instead of the S&N show, we'll have a repeat of Forsbergmania.
Now, for the one thought that makes this a "collection" rather than a "rant". Marian Hossa going to the Wings is an amazing choice, and shows that the boy has scruples. Rather than doing his regular rental bullshit and whoring himself to the highest bidder (which probably would have landed him in Edmonton... who the hell wants to go to Edmonton anyway?), he chose a team he could succeed with. It makes me thank Jebus for being in the Eastern Conference. My goodness, imagine playing that steamroller of a club 8 times a year. Fuck. Have fun, Nashville!
Update: Jagr has signed with Russian club Avangard Omsk (doesn't that sound like Avant Garde? Might as well be a regional fashion newspaper). Following the money and getting the hell out of Dodge (aka New York) is probably a good idea. They have a plummet a-comin. As CCR said, "I see a bad moon risin'."